Cultivating Joy in Motherhood

I recently watched the Netflix show Sex Life. In the show the main character, Billie Connelly, poses the question “Is it possible to have it all, just at different stages of your life?" This question really resonated with me. I have the husband, the children, the house, and a career. Unlike Billie, I am not questioning my sex life. However, I am struggling with my identity.  When I was in my early 20’s before meeting my husband, I had decided that I did not ever want to have children. I was young, beautiful, driven, and independent. I was selfish and was more than ok with it. I wanted to work hard and play harder. I was focused on making money, spending it on myself, and indulging in life’s finest pleasures. I wanted to eat, drink, travel, and meet new people. It was all about me and what made me happy. Then I met a guy (my husband) who I fell for very quickly. After dating for a year my perspective on having a family had changed. I knew I wanted to have kids someday, just not now...

 As parents I think we all want to give our children a better life than we had. I know I try my damn hardest to give them a completely different childhood than I had. Yet some generational curses are not as easily broken. I know I'm not a perfect mother and I have many faults, but I truly thought I was doing a pretty good job raising our four cubs.  My son gave me a huge wake up call which has made me take a step back and really look at myself in the mirror. I was at work and my husband was home with the kids. There were toys everywhere and the boys were refusing to clean up. Bobby told them that if he had to do it himself he would get rid of every toy in our home. And my son's response was "You can't do that, because this is Mummy's house." As an outsider you might think this is funny coming from a 4 year old. However, when my husband called me at work to tell me my stomach turned. He hears everything we say even when I think he isn't paying attention. We...

If you ask me what's my unpopular opinion on motherhood it is to normalize breastfeeding in public.  I've done it all with my four kids. Formula fed my first. Pumped and supplemented with formula with the twins. It wasn't until Julianna that I was successful with breastfeeding. My goal was to do it until I went back to work. Once I met that goal I had hoped to do it until she was six months old. I surpassed that goal and made it until she was eight months old.  The number one reason I chose to breastfeed her was to save on the cost of formula. I chose to be out of work for 16 weeks unpaid. In order to support our family on one income we needed to find ways to save money. With my first we spent $200 a month on formula. There was no way we could swing that this time around.  I was determined to get her to latch on and not quit after 12 hours like I did with little Bobby. I knew I could produce milk, because I pumped for two months when I had the twins. I was ready to do the...

Every single time people learn that I have four children I always get the same reaction. "Whoa I have two kids and I feel like that is a lot.” "How do you do it?' "You are a saint!” Even my mother says "God knows who He gives many children to, because not everyone can handle it". Having four children is a lot of work, but we can't tap out after eight hours. There is no one to give them back to if they've worn us out, because we are the parents! My husband, Bobby, and I each work 40 hours a week, sometimes more if we stay for overtime. We have our schedules worked out so that someone is always home with the kids. We work our 40 hours in three days. Two 16 hour days and an eight hour day. We only have one full day off together, one morning, and one evening. We don't see each other for fours days after that except maybe in passing. It makes it for a very long and lonely two days when I'm home alone with the kids. On those days its as if we are ...

 Why is it that when you become pregnant friends, family, and even total strangers are so quick to offer parenting advice? All the advice, tips, and hacks that people, social media, the web, and books have to offer not one ever speaks about the fourth trimester. The fourth trimester is the period after you give birth. During my first pregnancy I spent countless hours browsing the web, reading books, and welcoming whatever piece of wisdom anyone had to offer. I had prepared for every detail. The nursery was a Pinterest dream. Bottles were washed and sanitized. Bottle drying rack had its own place on the counter. The cradle was dressed and on my side of the bed. There were baskets with diapers, wipes, and diaper rash cream in every room. The pack and play was set up in the living room, because that's where we'd be spending most of our time. The car seat bases were installed in both our cars. And finally everyone's bags were packed and ready to go for our hospital stay.  On We...